Here is his quote and my response:
Here was my biggest issue: Last call in Arizona is 1:45 a.m., with bars "closing" for good at 2 a.m. and kicking people out a few minutes later. When you're bidding God knows how much money for a Super Bowl, couldn't you bend the rules and extend last call to 4 or 5 a.m. for four days? Isn't the host city trying to show everyone a good time? What's fun about turning in at 2 a.m., especially when it takes 25-30 minutes to go from Point A to Point B? Assuming you have a 7:30 p.m. dinner, and you're heading out to parties starting at 9:30-10, that's not a lot of time to "party," right? If Barack Obama is reading this, I hope he adds the following idea to his increasingly spectacular presidential campaign: Every Super Bowl city is required to extend last call to at least 4 a.m. YES, WE CAN!
I went to college at ASU and during the early 90's and last call was 12:45 with a 1 am closing. I believe it was a factor in ASU being one of the best party schools year in year out. We were forced to skip dinner altogether consume huge amounts of beer between 6-12 pm and then find a liquor store and a location to continue festivities.
I also think skipping one meal a day accounts for all the amazing bodies you see anywhere near campus. When food becomes more important than drink it is time to graduate and get a real job (most likely outside the state). The 2 am concession was added for the first Super Bowl held in AZ in 1996 and ASU hasn't been named #1 party school since. It allowed the less committed partiers to be able to survive and get their dinners, destroyin the weeding out process of drinking on an empty stomach with only a few happy hour wings to help absorb the alcohol.
2 am, better for corporate honchos and middle aged sportswriters, bad for an American institution and a history of drunkenness.
3 comments:
I completely agree. If you can't get drunk by 1am, that is your problem. Get to Fumbles by 8:30 - down a few schooners than head to the Dash for some pitchers and mind erasers. If you are hungry - hit Gus' pizza at the END of the night. No need to feel full BEFORE you start drinking.
If you want to go out to a nice dinner first, than you are wasting money. Although it seems that all the kids at ASU these days head up to Scottsdale and pay $4/bottle of beer. Sad.
They don't know about $5 gallon pitchers at Cluck U, bladder buster at BoJos, Friday Afternoons at Cannery or who could forget 2 for 1 32oz Long Island Ice teas at Club Rio...seriously, 32 oz Long Island ice teas are ridiculous. I tore multiple pairs of pants stmbling through the river bottom after having a few of those.
1) I agree with Coulter, half the fun was (the true Art Form) of continuing the festivities after the bar closed. i.e. the Hall Party. You had to manage many factors -rounding up enough cash to buy booze for party on short notice -getting commitments from all involved they would show up -getting this all accomplished before 12:45AM AND get it back to the house before people started sobering up and deciding to go home.
2) The after 1AM party was a great way to migrate from bar to sex. At 1AM a quality woman still feels like she can get your party, have a few drinks, and leave at a decent hour.
3) The 1AM close forces you to 'close the deal, which in turn makes you better apt to negotiate in the real world.
4) Staying at the bar until 4AM is for men who have given up on trying to have sex with hot women. At 4AM you have either decided to just make it a guy night or have sex with women who drink at the bar until 4AM.
Arizona was always looking out for our best interests. Especially not selling booze until the polls closed. God knows what would have happened, Mitch might have voted for McCain in a drunken stupor.
His mailbag last week was funny also. One of the better emails:
Bill Simmons Sports Guy Mailbag:
Q: I've noticed the only times the Red Sox win the World Series are the times the Sports Gal is pregnant. This leads me to two questions: Are you going to be having babies every year now that this info has come to light? And if you get snipped, would that bring another 90 years of futility?
-- D.C., Minneapolis
SG: Let's get something straight: I'd never get snipped because then I wouldn't be able to have kids with my second and third wives. So that's not happening. But to answer your question -- yes, the Sports Gal has been carrying fetuses (fetii?) each time the Red Sox won the World Series. I am 2-for-2. I have no idea what this means. I can tell you that there's a zero percent chance of Kid No. 3 happening, so if the Simmons family is responsible for these World Series wins, get ready for a prolonged drought.
That reminds me, somebody needs to launch a Web site for anyone thinking about having two or more kids. The Web site would be called "Why Didn't You Effing Tell Me?" and would include the following features:
• The "Why Didn't You Effing Tell Me?" Blog, in which dads rip into their buddies for not warning them to stick with one kid.
• A quote page of deranged things said by mothers melting down as both of their kids were crying at the same time; stuff like, "I swear to God, I'm going to stick this baby in the microwave soon and defrost him!" and "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, YOU WANTED TWO, I WISH YOU WERE DEAD!!!!"
• A detailed explanation of my buddy Sully's 12 Percent Theory, which can be described in one sentence like this: "Assuming women start out at 100 percent on the Sanity Scale, every time she passes a living being out of her body, she becomes 12 percent less sane." By the way, this is why Hillary Clinton can run for president -- she only had one kid, so she's operating at 88 percent capacity. Still much higher than George W. Bush.
• Transcripts of incoherent shouting matches between sleep-deprived parents.
• Live webcams featuring streaming video inside the living rooms of families with two or more kids.
And before anyone decides to have a second kid, by federal law, they'd have to spend three hours surfing around this Web site.
Post a Comment